David’s Ramblings

(My posts have been losing in both consistency and coherence as of late. Here’s hoping that I can turn that around, even if it’s with the boring happenings of my life.)

I’m posting this on a nice, quiet Halloween. As usual, I have nothing better to do with my time than sit in front of the computer. We’ve had two groups of trick or treaters down the hall, but otherwise it has been surprisingly peaceful. There aren’t even people playing golf down the hall, but there are several more hours to usual tee time anyway. It usually starts around 2 AM. (You think I make stuff like this up? You obviously don’t live in a college dorm… or you live in one within Mormon country.)

I managed to avoid the fun of trick-or-treating by utilizing the mass array of electronics contained within our dorm room, though I did venture out for a meal at one point… I think. I know it’s sad, perhaps even frightening, but sometimes I just forget to do important things like eating when I’m busy consuming enough electric power for a small village. I’m quite sure I ate tonight though, because I remember passing by a group dressed up as Nintendo characters. Bowser had a flame thrower effect going via aerosol spray + lighter, I think. I didn’t get too good a look as the flame was directed toward me and slightly obstructed my view as it scalded my face. It was a nice touch in any case.

Speaking of heat, and more specifically, lack thereof, Tom (my roommate) has been cowering in his coat anytime he ventures outside for weeks now. I just keep saying that I’m quite adjusted to the cold weather because I’m from Utah. It’s a good excuse to anyone who’s never been there, but not good enough for me to ignore the fact that I did not pack a jacket for my move to Georgia. A slight oversight on my part, I’d have to say, but it’s okay because it gives me a chance to show some school spirit and buy a Georgia Tech hoodie.

That is perhaps all I have to say for the night. It’s a little shorter than I’d like, but what can you do? Hopefully I’ll find myself inspired to write more. Until then, you’ll have to put up with my lame posts as you have been doing since you started reading my blog. How do I keep readers with this junk?

“Surprise! I’m not Mormon!”

This is the bomb I planned to drop on my poor unsuspecting parents some day in the far future. It’s not that I wanted to hurt their feelings or anything, but I figured there would be a hint of satisfaction to seeing their faces cope with the total reshaping of their lives in an instant — somewhat the satisfaction my stepfather Rick likely derived from declaring Harry Potter evil just because I happened to be reading the book.

Unfortunately, I did not get the opportunity to drop the bomb; I just got to deal with the aftermath since one of my friends let it slip. It’s not that I minded too terribly, because I would have been far too chicken to actually say “Surprise! I’m not Mormon!” and anything else would not have had the full fun effect. In any case, I’m sure there are some curious minds out there that want to know why, so I’ll explain.

> Why David Is Not Mormon – A short, user-friendly guide:
> He doesn’t have a testimony.

There it is. Short, simple, and efficient. I don’t have testimony in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Not believing in the Church obviously creates an issue for my status as a member. I just can’t believe in something without any good reason any more. I never had an answer to my prayers asking to know if it was true, why should I stick with it?

My parents are all over me of course – just pray and you’ll get an answer, they say. There’s probably decent reason to be concerned, me not going to the highest kingdom of heaven and all (given the LDS Church is true), but hey, all eternity with Rick would be hell anyway. The families together forever idea sure doesn’t sound like my idea of heaven.

This weekend I went and saw Doom. Yes, I’m talking about that cheesy looking video game movie. Even more surprising than the over 10 people showing up to the show was the fact that it turned out to be quite enjoyable.

Okay, before I go further, it must be said that this is not a movie you just go and see because you expect it’s going to be good. It’s not. Get it out of your head. Okay. Now that that’s out of the way, sit back and get ready for wanton slaughter and a storyline that barely has anything in common with the video games (at least you’ll be in suspense for the first 5 minutes…)

What’s that you say? Why yes. Doom actually had a story… you just had to read it in the booklet accompanying the game. They couldn’t fit it in with all their hardcore 3d graphics at the time. Doom 3 was a bit different, but that was because of an advance in 3d engine technology allowing for both endless blood and gore and a storyline – at the same time. In any case, the storyline was only somewhat a guiding influence for the movie. No matter though. We went into this not expecting anything, right?

In any case, I’d give Doom (1/x)π out of 900º, where x is the level of expectation you bring to the table for this movie. For those of you who don’t do math, I’m sorry. Studying long hours for Calculus tests has gone to my head. Let me explain it in English: 1/x grows the smaller x is, so the less expectations you bring into the movie, the more you can sit back and enjoy it.

Next up, Saw, which I obtained through completely legal sources. People who download movies off of bit torrent are evil nasty people that kill the hard work of the movie makers slaving away to entertain us. Stop pirating movies you quacks!

Anyway, with that out of the way, Saw is a disturbing movie. I mean, completely, morbidly disturbing. It’s not for the faint of heart. The squeamish should look away. Women and small children should avert their eyes… The rest of us can sit back and be entertained by the first good horror movie for a long while. Hollywood’s been trying for years, finally they hit the jackpot. As a point of warning, let me say it again: this movie is disturbing…. but it is oh so intelligent.

I mean, a killer that has his victims killing themselves… how brilliant is that? Come on! You have to think that’s at least an interesting twist, even if it is demented. Even more brilliant (and more demented) is the games he has the victims playing, in the end allowing for them to save their own life if they know what the hell they’re doing. Of course, the point of the movie is that nobody does…

The whole thing is worth watching for the plot twists along the way too. The plot twist at the very end alone was so satisfying that it alone redeemed the hour and a half of bloody walls and dripping organs I had to go through to get there. Yes. Sickening. We’ve already established that. But it was so smart…. 4.6π out of 900º*

*Sidenote: What the hell is with my numbering system? I don’t know. Stars and thumbs are way overused. Besides, I only have two thumbs… An arbitrary point system seems a bit over used as well. I just use π’s because I’m a geek like that. I’m sorry. 5π = 900º, mathematically speaking, so it’s almost a five star system… but with pi[e]. Now you know.

The more I think about it, the more I realize my Aunt Tiff is right. I should probably write a book about my life living with a maniac who thinks that if the LDS Church has not put their name on something then said object is evil. My life’s not all that interesting, but I can pretend it was for the sake of your entertainment. Let’s take a moment and look at some possible chapter titles that would show up:

• “Living In Fear”: A chapter about how the constant mantra of our household was the impending doom of Christ’s Second Coming (which is still, according to my parents, very close… as it has been for the last 5 years.)
• “Food Storage for Christmas”: Somewhat an addendum to the previous chapter, only this one more related to Rick’s way of dealing with money than anything else.
• “The Evils of Media”: Harry Potter, punk rock, and internet chat. These are the tools the devil uses to ensnare children in today’s society. Or at least, that’s what someone thinks.
• “The Devil’s Hour”: Midnight is the devil’s hour. Stay up any later, and you’re bound to be under his influence. A look into the [non]logic behind the madness…

I could go on, but that would ruin the suspense of waiting for my book to hit the shelves.

Yes. That’s right. I’m evil. Not slaughter innocent children and torture small animals evil mind you, but evil enough to evidently be banned from talking to my sister on Sundays.

Yes. That’s right. Banned. You see, under the [iron-fisted] reign of my ever [un]knowledgeable stepfather, all sorts of things are evil. Apparently, that now includes talking to family members. I don’t mind so much, since my sister’s not extremely talkative, but it does remind me of how glad I am to be out on my own.

For the sake of fairness, I must point out that this rule is probably targeted more toward using the internet in general on Sundays, but it still seems really ridiculous, especially when you consider everything that is banned on Sunday in the Pincock/Haslem/Horrocks (our family is complicated) household:

• TV – An obvious one, since Satan himself has control of television. Praise the Lord we, as a family, did not have to experience the awful, awful monstrosity that was the Jackson Super Bowl Boob affair. Such things are simply proof (literally – this is the way my stepfather described it) that God does not condone watching television on Sunday, and probably doesn’t condone football at large… or women.
• Music – Yes, not only is the hard core punk rock banned, but Lord of the Rings classical soundtracks as well. If it’s not that one Yanni disc in Rick’s CD player, God does not approve.
• Reading – This one should be obvious. If it wasn’t written by Jesus, it wasn’t written for Sunday.
• Movies – An obvious extension of the no-TV, since it is simply a long television show without the commercials.
• Eating – Duh. Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights straight. You can’t deny logic of not eating on Sunday.
• Using any electronic device – Those Quakers sure have the right idea. We didn’t spend too many Sunday nights in candlelight, but this seemed to be the trend that would eventually become a rule.

The list goes on, but I’m sure you get the idea. It’s probably simpler to just make a complete list of approved activities:

• Going to Church
• Breathing (obviously secondary to the first item)

What is there to do on Sundays like that? Don’t ask me. I don’t live there any more. I’m evil now.