This weekend I went and saw Doom. Yes, I’m talking about that cheesy looking video game movie. Even more surprising than the over 10 people showing up to the show was the fact that it turned out to be quite enjoyable.
Okay, before I go further, it must be said that this is not a movie you just go and see because you expect it’s going to be good. It’s not. Get it out of your head. Okay. Now that that’s out of the way, sit back and get ready for wanton slaughter and a storyline that barely has anything in common with the video games (at least you’ll be in suspense for the first 5 minutes…)
What’s that you say? Why yes. Doom actually had a story… you just had to read it in the booklet accompanying the game. They couldn’t fit it in with all their hardcore 3d graphics at the time. Doom 3 was a bit different, but that was because of an advance in 3d engine technology allowing for both endless blood and gore and a storyline – at the same time. In any case, the storyline was only somewhat a guiding influence for the movie. No matter though. We went into this not expecting anything, right?
In any case, I’d give Doom (1/x)π out of 900º, where x is the level of expectation you bring to the table for this movie. For those of you who don’t do math, I’m sorry. Studying long hours for Calculus tests has gone to my head. Let me explain it in English: 1/x grows the smaller x is, so the less expectations you bring into the movie, the more you can sit back and enjoy it.
Next up, Saw, which I obtained through completely legal sources. People who download movies off of bit torrent are evil nasty people that kill the hard work of the movie makers slaving away to entertain us. Stop pirating movies you quacks!
Anyway, with that out of the way, Saw is a disturbing movie. I mean, completely, morbidly disturbing. It’s not for the faint of heart. The squeamish should look away. Women and small children should avert their eyes… The rest of us can sit back and be entertained by the first good horror movie for a long while. Hollywood’s been trying for years, finally they hit the jackpot. As a point of warning, let me say it again: this movie is disturbing…. but it is oh so intelligent.
I mean, a killer that has his victims killing themselves… how brilliant is that? Come on! You have to think that’s at least an interesting twist, even if it is demented. Even more brilliant (and more demented) is the games he has the victims playing, in the end allowing for them to save their own life if they know what the hell they’re doing. Of course, the point of the movie is that nobody does…
The whole thing is worth watching for the plot twists along the way too. The plot twist at the very end alone was so satisfying that it alone redeemed the hour and a half of bloody walls and dripping organs I had to go through to get there. Yes. Sickening. We’ve already established that. But it was so smart…. 4.6π out of 900º*
*Sidenote: What the hell is with my numbering system? I don’t know. Stars and thumbs are way overused. Besides, I only have two thumbs… An arbitrary point system seems a bit over used as well. I just use π’s because I’m a geek like that. I’m sorry. 5π = 900º, mathematically speaking, so it’s almost a five star system… but with pi[e]. Now you know.
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