Over the past week or so, I’ve had a chance to sit back and take some time to truly evaluate my life. I’ve realized that I haven’t been fully honest with myself, and I certainly haven’t been honest with others. Obviously, it’s really hard to come to terms with my own thoughts, and it’s even harder to post them out there for the world to hear, but I feel this is the best way to come to accept them.
The words are even harder to type than they are to say. I’ve been sitting here for half an hour trying to figure out exactly how to put this while not actually saying it. It’s almost scary to type. I’ll just get them out before I chicken out: I’m gay.
Wow. It’s amazing what a load saying such liberating words can take off your chest. Of course, I’m sure some people may be questioning how I came to this decision, why I decided to share it, and what I feel about it. Somewhat hard and deeply personal questions to answer, but I figure if I’m going to let it out, might as well do it all the way.
It wasn’t easy for me to come to terms with the fact that I’m gay. It’s easy to try and tell yourself you’re not. Denial. I’m sure it comes even easier when you’ve been raised to believe homosexuality is a sin.
Unfortunately, such things as sexuality aren’t really decisions you can make. Soon you start wondering why you don’t go out on any dates, why you’ve never had a girlfriend, or even a crush on a girl. And then the truth hits you, like a ton of bricks. Such an occurrence happened for me a few nights ago, and I’ve been trying to figure out what to do about it ever since.
I decided the best way to just come to terms with the fact was to let everyone know about it. If I’m not hiding anything from them, I can’t hide anything from myself. That’s what this post is about; and Ñas much as I want to hit the delete button Ñ that’s why I’m going to post this to my website.
It’s turned my life around a bit, but altogether I’m rather pleased with myself for finally letting go. I can’t say that it’ll be an entirely comfortable transition, but I’m willing to deal with that. I want the freedom truth brings and I’m willing to forge ahead with my newfound sense of identity.
Update: Please note this post was my lame attempt at an April Fool’s joke.