Now that the objective part of the reviewing is out of the way, let’s get to my own opinions on the movies.

 The Fountain – 4.9Ï€ / 900º

Everything about The Fountain screams out “masterpiece.” Visually, it’s a feast for the eyes. The visual effects are top-notch and will remain so for a few years to come at least. The entire movie is just pretty, the golden color leaking in to almost every crack of the film. The acting is well done. They couldn’t have chosen a better man for the leading role than Hugh Jackman. Rachel Weisz makes an absolutely stunning leading actress. All of this pales in comparison to the story, however, which is absolutely brilliant in ways that will leave a more active mind turning over for days.

 It’s helpful to understand that the storyline is left intentionally vague and open to interpretation. This is part of the brilliance. The intention wasn’t to write a story that you passively follow while watching the film and throw away when you’re done. It was to write a film that makes you think for a while, makes you scratch your head. And while that might seem a bit pretentious to some, I think it makes up for it by really making you think.

The movie follows three stories, each somewhat distinct. There’s a story set during the Inquisition and Spain’s conquests in the New World. This story is the first introduced, and later we find it tying into a story set in our own time of a man trying to find a cure for cancer – hopefully in time to save his wife. Turns out that the story of the Conquistador is one being written by the man’s wife. Later we’re introduced to weird floating tree in space with Hugh Jackman living next to it. There are many possible interpretations of how this last story fits in, and I think that the line is intentionally blurry on this one. If you think your brain might explode reading just the explanation than you probably wouldn’t appreciate this movie to the fullest extent possible, but if it sounds intriguing to you, I highly recommend seeing the film.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters – 4.5Ï€ / 900º

If you’re not an Aqua Teen Hunger Force fan, you’ll probably be able to ignore pretty much everything I say, but I warn you that you are a horrible person for not liking Aqua Teen. Yes, I know that 2007 isn’t over yet, and that, as far as movies go, the year has just begun, but in my mind they might as well just start 2008 right now to make it fair for all of those other movies. Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters is hands-down the best movie of 2007.

The story starts millions of years ago, in Egypt. 3 PM. Downtown New York. 1492. The humor continues from there. Actually, it starts before that. I could have walked in and sat down for everything up to the opening credits and been amused enough to have had my money’s worth. The rest – as in everything following the opening credits – was just a bonus. It was like watching an hour and half long ATHF episode, which is just awesome.

To everyone not understanding what I see in Aqua Teen, I know where you’re coming from. When my roommate subjected me to a season’s worth of it, I had no clue what he saw in it. After a while though, you start to see some really funny stuff. It just takes a certain taste (or lack thereof) to enjoy. It’s probably even better if you’re high when you watch it. In many ways, it is sort of a spiritual descendant of Beavis and Butthead. Brainless, but almost witty at the same time.

300 is a historical film, based on 300 Spartan soldiers who stalled the entire Persian army for several days while the rest of the country prepared for war. More than a historical film, however, this film is also based on a graphic novel by Frank Miller. The same Frank Miller we should all know and love from Sin City.

We can see the wonderful style of Frank Miller come through from his graphic novel onto the screen in this movie as well as we do in Sin City. The shots throughout the movie are beautiful, and the fight scenes artistically embellished.

Fight scenes? Oh yes. This movie is two hours of violence and ass kicking. Spartans are historically known for their fighting skills, and this movie makes sure to touch on that fact. A lot. If you’re in the mood for some action, look no further.

Don’t let that turn you off if you’re not into the whole fighting thing. If you’re not into action, then you’re probably either a chick or gay, and in both cases, you’ll probably be pleased to note the fact that 75% of the movie is about near-naked, sweaty men. In fact, that’s probably the reason this movie only gets a 4.7Ï€. It’s a pretty good movie otherwise.

The actors in this movie all do a terrific job, especially Jake Gyllenhaal. The movie does a good job of helping you feel the panic that must have been about in San Francisco due to the Zodiac as well. I particularly liked how music was used to add to the setting.

Unfortunately, the movie follows real life far too well. Unless you want to feel like the detectives who had their lives sucked away trying to solve this case, you’ll find the movie lacks appropriate pacing. Zodiac follows the true life storyline so closely that we’re treated to 30 minutes of excitement and 2 hours of tension that eventually becomes boredom as we desparately hope for a break in the case, or at least for the Zodiac to do something new.

The movie can also be disorienting, jumping large spans of time almost randomly and without warning, but this is important since the killings were quite spread out. I wouldn’t pay money to see this movie, but if you have the chance to see it for free as I did, you might not be completely disappointed. I rate it at a measely 2.3Ï€.

Superman Returns – Not so super.

I saw Superman the other day and I just have to say I wasn’t completely impressed. Sure, the special effects were amazing enough, but overall I didn’t find it quite as interesting as I would have liked.

First, I have to admit that I have not seen the old movies. I know they were trying to just pick up where that left off and I couldn’t expect to fully appreciate everything going on without seeing the older movies. Still, I think Superman Returns was lacking. It seemed more about showing what Superman could do with new special effect abilities than about a storyline.

Speaking of storyline, the ending seemed to me to have one glaring plot hole. (Spoiler follows:) If the island is Kryptonite-ish, how in the hell does he just pick it up and throw it into space? Sure, I get that he was really straining to do it, but does that mean he’s just being a pussy in the older movies when people are using a single little chunk of Kryptonite against him? I mean, if he can tough it out to lift an entire island made of it, why in the hell can’t he tough it out with a little chunk of the stuff?

I will say there was good casting in the guy they picked for Superman. He was definitely a good choice for someone to look like Christopher Reeve.

Really though, other than the special effects and the reminiscing for the people that saw the old ones, Superman Returns was just not that great. I know there was a need to cash in on the comic book movie craze, but they certainly could have done better. With the Superman name and legacy, I expected better of it.

Silent Hill is a story about a little girl who has very vivid dreams and sleepwalking issues. They’re constantly getting worse, and her parents can’t really do anything about it. Sometimes she talks about Silent Hill in her sleep, and sometimes she ends up wandering off into dangerous situations involving cliffs or highways.

Since she can’t ever remember these occurrences when she wakes up, her mother, Rose, decides that perhaps the best thing to do is to find Silent Hill and take her there so little Sharon can remember. They figure it might have something to do with her birth parents, as Sharon is adopted. As is often the case in horror movies, this turns out to be a very dumb idea.

Rose and Sharon head into Silent Hill, and crash trying to avoid hitting a child crossing the street. When Rose wakes up, Sharon has once again disappeared. Rose tries to find her daughter in what seems to be a completely abandoned town. Occasionally she sees a girl darting around town, and she tries to catch her. After following what she hopes to be her daughters footsteps down a dark alley, sirens go off and she finds that Silent Hill is pretty much (in the literal sense) hell when that happens (with really awesome CG transition from foggy, ash covered Silent Hill to metallic, rusted, burning Silent Hill).

To go on would – of course – ruin the story, but the surprising thing about this movie is that there’s actually a story to ruin. Most video game movies are so horribly lacking on storyline I didn’t expect this one to be much more than a thinly veiled attempt to show lots of monsters killing things. Yet I was pleasantly surprised to find myself completely drawn into the very well written story that is very psychologically deep (almost as good as Donnie Darko).

For other important things in movies, soundtrack and acting, the movie was not at all lacking. The soundtrack was completely haunting and my roommate and I want to find it for sale somewhere so we can buy it. I thought the acting was very well done. The father character probably didn’t have a strong enough role for most people to fully connect to him.

I think the critics don’t give it enough credit because there’s a very healthy amount of nightmarish violence and gore, or because they’re unable to fully understand what is going on in the movie. This is the best video game movie ever made. My roommate and I both hope the DVD version has the full length cut, which was rumored at 3 hours+. This movie will definitely become part of our collection. 4.7Ï€ out of 900º.

Seven is a story about the seven deadly sins, and people dying for committing them. It is a good thriller with a compelling story and decent focus on character development. It’s R, and somewhat gruesome in places, so it’s probably not for the faint of heart. I highly recommend this movie for people looking for a decent, intelligent murder thriller. The actors are good and the ending is great, though it may not be what some people would like. (4.5¹)

Gattaca

The story of a future where genetic engineering is the norm and people who aren’t genetically engineered are looked down upon. This movie is a great sci-fi that doesn’t really feel like a sci-fi because it’s not so far-fetched as teleporters and aliens. Also another I find worthy of my recommendation. (4¹)

I must say I was slightly disturbed with all of the shocking views this movie portrayed to the public. From Charlie’s sicko grandparents that all share the same bed and get freaky with each other, to the blatant love affair between Jane Goodall and the monkey behind Willy Wonka’s back (don’t even try to ask how she was able to pull off such things with an ape that size), this movie was full of adult content that was completely unsuitable for children.

Of course, there were good parts as well. I thought it was awesome to watch the jungle explorers being trampled by the Oompa Loompas. The graphics were amazing in that scene. And when that annoying TV kid was swallowed by that T-Rex, I think most everyone cheered. We were all happy to see that character go.

Speaking of cheering, the people behind us at this movie were extremely good at it. We couldn’t go ten seconds without an “ooohhhh” or “aaaaahhhh”. They were obviously very impressed with what was on the screen. So much so, you might have thought that they believed what they were watching to be actual footage or something. It’s like they’d never heard of claymation and it’s growing ability to display realistic scenes.

All in all, I very much enjoyed this movie, even with all of the blatantly taboo sex between elderly people, midgets, and large animals. I give it 8¹ to split between the two when King Kong and Willy Wonka finally file for their divorce.

So, where were we again? Oh, right. Movies. I’ve seen a ton of them this holiday weekend. Many were of course holiday related, and then there were some others that I just happened to catch. I could review them all, but that would seriously be more work than I would want to do. Just because I feed the dog doesn’t mean I’ll play fetch with the dang thing.

Bad Santa, Elf, A Christmas Story, Christmas with the Kranks, and Santa Clause 2 were all Christmas movies and fulfilled their roles as such. Bad Santa was pretty funny, Elf wasn’t quite as stupid as I suspected, and neither were the Kranks. A Christmas Story is just a classic, and well, we’ll just all try to ignore the fact that Santa Clause 2 was ever made… please? As far as the others, there was nothing particularly outstanding.

On to the most important part of the season – my presents. I didn’t really want a whole lot, actually. All I really wanted was a digital camera, and I got that. Now I can treat all 3 of my blog readers to pictures when I randomly decide to do so, like now:

Sorry I was so late with my Christmas post, but it’s not like you can do anything about it anyway.

I’ve watched three movies in the last week or so that I haven’t taken the time to review, so here they are, in brief:

The Exorcist – 4.6¹



This movie is good, as far as horror movies go. I think my recent turn from religion has affected my ability to feel scared. Though I wasn’t very frightened at all by this movie, I’m pretty sure I would have been a year ago. The difference? Probably that a year ago I lived with a man who was convinced that Harry Potter was a way for Satan to corrupt the minds of children and get them to let him take control of their lives.

This is certainly considered a classic in the horror film genre, and I can see why. It was well done. It didn’t rely much at all on cutting edge graphics or anything, so it has aged very well. It’s rated R for a reason. There’s some nasty stuff in the movie. I mean, not Saw nasty by any means, but a 12-year-old girl stabbing herself between the legs with a cross while shouting “Fuck Jesus” in a deep demonic voice nasty. (She’s possessed, in case the word “exorcist” didn’t get that across. That’s possibly the worst part beyond the projectile vomit, but still, viewer discretion is advised.)

Pulp Fiction – 4.9¹

Pulp Fiction’s a great movie. It’s just all around awesome. An interesting order of presenting the different pieces of the plot (not in chronological order), good actors, good cinematography, the music… it’s just all awesome. You’ve got to love the part where he’s trying to figure out how to kill the hillbillies and can’t decide what to use: gun, baseball bat, chain-saw… or, what he finally decides, samurai sword.

I must say, the movie was a bit familiar at parts because I’d read the script, and that ruined some of the fun of it all. This was necessary because back in the day I didn’t know what bit torrent (downloading software) was and there was no way I was going to bring this kind of movie into the same house as my stepfather.

Office Space – 4.4¹

This is also a good movie. I don’t really have much to say about it, except I hope my life never becomes as meaningless as the main character’s does. This is a funny movie, and worth your time if you’re looking for one.

I mean, there’s lot’s of things that can be said about this movie… but first you’ve got to pick your jaw up off the floor and start blinking again. My roommate and I, after careful scientificly-based consideration, have come up with the correct genre to place this movie in: “Fucked Up”. Yes. “Fucked Up” is a little-known subcategory of the genre “Drama”. “Drama” alone would absolutely not do this movie justice.

I won’t make you watch this movie. I think it’s a dang good movie, but it’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea. I mean, if “Fucked Up” is not a big enough clue for you, I can’t really vouch for your reading comprehension. I mean, Saw was probably in this category too, but I’m less certain about putting it there than I am Requiem for a Dream.

The movie starts in the Summer, introducing the main character and his mother. He goes on to steal his mother’s TV and take it down to the pawn shop with his buddy. (Which is hinted to being a weekly ritual as she goes to the pawn shop to buy it back.) Other than that, life is generally good. They’ve got their drug money, and our main character’s got time to spend with his girlfriend.

Then something happens… they decide that if they could get a hold of some of the good stuff, they could cut it up and start dealing. It could be their big break, right? So they get to work, trying to build a better life by selling drugs. Meanwhile his mother’s at home fantasizing about he chance at being on TV and trying to ignore the diet she’s on to lose weight for it.

Then stuff goes downhill. Everyone’s trying to stay on top of things while the drugs (his mother’s taking diet pills that are equivalent to Speed) slowly claw away at their lives. The movie transitions these periods with different seasons, this next season being fall, where the good of summer is flowing away. This movie wouldn’t be very good if it didn’t do these scenes so remarkably well, with the transitions between the seasons and scenes.

Of course, winter comes. His mother’s become addicted to the diet pills and is goes crazy, he and his friend get caught on their way to pick up drugs from Florida. His girlfriend begins whoring herself out to get a fix. Everyone’s life is, appropriately, “Fucked Up”. And that’s the end.

Of course, reflecting on this, the remarkable beauty of the film is that we know spring is just around the corner, though it may be distant. There’s hope that maybe, someday, everyone’s life will be better… or maybe not. It’s just such a mind job… that’s Requiem For a Dream. 4.7¹ out of 900¼ (5¹).