David’s Ramblings

I’ve got a movie review for today Ð King Kong and the Chocolate Factory. This movie is a remake of the classic movie telling the tale of an ape of alarming stature that falls in love with a man named Willy Wonka, the famous chocolateer.

I must say I was slightly disturbed with all of the shocking views this movie portrayed to the public. From Charlie’s sicko grandparents that all share the same bed and get freaky with each other, to the blatant love affair between Jane Goodall and the monkey behind Willy Wonka’s back (don’t even try to ask how she was able to pull off such things with an ape that size), this movie was full of adult content that was completely unsuitable for children.

Of course, there were good parts as well. I thought it was awesome to watch the jungle explorers being trampled by the Oompa Loompas. The graphics were amazing in that scene. And when that annoying TV kid was swallowed by that T-Rex, I think most everyone cheered. We were all happy to see that character go.

Speaking of cheering, the people behind us at this movie were extremely good at it. We couldn’t go ten seconds without an “ooohhhh” or “aaaaahhhh”. They were obviously very impressed with what was on the screen. So much so, you might have thought that they believed what they were watching to be actual footage or something. It’s like they’d never heard of claymation and it’s growing ability to display realistic scenes.

All in all, I very much enjoyed this movie, even with all of the blatantly taboo sex between elderly people, midgets, and large animals. I give it 8¹ to split between the two when King Kong and Willy Wonka finally file for their divorce.

Being lesbian implies you are a woman. I am not a woman, at least not the last time I checked.

(For those not in the know, this is a response to Chris and Shaine‘s blogs.)

Laura, one of the few people that visit my website on a regular basis, was hassling me to post more. So, this post goes out to you, Laura. The rest of you Ð all two of you Ð you can consider this an example of what to do if you think I’m slacking off in posting. Tell me. (Unless you’re Shaine. Shaine doesn’t count.)

I’ve watched three movies in the last week or so that I haven’t taken the time to review, so here they are, in brief:

The Exorcist – 4.6¹



This movie is good, as far as horror movies go. I think my recent turn from religion has affected my ability to feel scared. Though I wasn’t very frightened at all by this movie, I’m pretty sure I would have been a year ago. The difference? Probably that a year ago I lived with a man who was convinced that Harry Potter was a way for Satan to corrupt the minds of children and get them to let him take control of their lives.

This is certainly considered a classic in the horror film genre, and I can see why. It was well done. It didn’t rely much at all on cutting edge graphics or anything, so it has aged very well. It’s rated R for a reason. There’s some nasty stuff in the movie. I mean, not Saw nasty by any means, but a 12-year-old girl stabbing herself between the legs with a cross while shouting “Fuck Jesus” in a deep demonic voice nasty. (She’s possessed, in case the word “exorcist” didn’t get that across. That’s possibly the worst part beyond the projectile vomit, but still, viewer discretion is advised.)

Pulp Fiction – 4.9¹

Pulp Fiction’s a great movie. It’s just all around awesome. An interesting order of presenting the different pieces of the plot (not in chronological order), good actors, good cinematography, the music… it’s just all awesome. You’ve got to love the part where he’s trying to figure out how to kill the hillbillies and can’t decide what to use: gun, baseball bat, chain-saw… or, what he finally decides, samurai sword.

I must say, the movie was a bit familiar at parts because I’d read the script, and that ruined some of the fun of it all. This was necessary because back in the day I didn’t know what bit torrent (downloading software) was and there was no way I was going to bring this kind of movie into the same house as my stepfather.

Office Space – 4.4¹

This is also a good movie. I don’t really have much to say about it, except I hope my life never becomes as meaningless as the main character’s does. This is a funny movie, and worth your time if you’re looking for one.

Holy Cow. Seriously.

I mean, there’s lot’s of things that can be said about this movie… but first you’ve got to pick your jaw up off the floor and start blinking again. My roommate and I, after careful scientificly-based consideration, have come up with the correct genre to place this movie in: “Fucked Up”. Yes. “Fucked Up” is a little-known subcategory of the genre “Drama”. “Drama” alone would absolutely not do this movie justice.

I won’t make you watch this movie. I think it’s a dang good movie, but it’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea. I mean, if “Fucked Up” is not a big enough clue for you, I can’t really vouch for your reading comprehension. I mean, Saw was probably in this category too, but I’m less certain about putting it there than I am Requiem for a Dream.

The movie starts in the Summer, introducing the main character and his mother. He goes on to steal his mother’s TV and take it down to the pawn shop with his buddy. (Which is hinted to being a weekly ritual as she goes to the pawn shop to buy it back.) Other than that, life is generally good. They’ve got their drug money, and our main character’s got time to spend with his girlfriend.

Then something happens… they decide that if they could get a hold of some of the good stuff, they could cut it up and start dealing. It could be their big break, right? So they get to work, trying to build a better life by selling drugs. Meanwhile his mother’s at home fantasizing about he chance at being on TV and trying to ignore the diet she’s on to lose weight for it.

Then stuff goes downhill. Everyone’s trying to stay on top of things while the drugs (his mother’s taking diet pills that are equivalent to Speed) slowly claw away at their lives. The movie transitions these periods with different seasons, this next season being fall, where the good of summer is flowing away. This movie wouldn’t be very good if it didn’t do these scenes so remarkably well, with the transitions between the seasons and scenes.

Of course, winter comes. His mother’s become addicted to the diet pills and is goes crazy, he and his friend get caught on their way to pick up drugs from Florida. His girlfriend begins whoring herself out to get a fix. Everyone’s life is, appropriately, “Fucked Up”. And that’s the end.

Of course, reflecting on this, the remarkable beauty of the film is that we know spring is just around the corner, though it may be distant. There’s hope that maybe, someday, everyone’s life will be better… or maybe not. It’s just such a mind job… that’s Requiem For a Dream. 4.7¹ out of 900¼ (5¹).

Today, since I’m totally out of anything interesting to post about (like anything I posted before was interesting…), I’ll write about three awesome movies – Donnie Darko, Boondock Saints, and Equilibrium. None of these movies is appropriate for people who take issue to an R rating, especially for violence, language, or both. So, if that applies to you, you can just ignore my praises and go on with your lives as normal.

Donnie Darko is a genre bender. It seems to be a drama, but once you’ve watched the whole thing, you might be more apt to call it sci-fi. It’s about a troubled teen named Donnie Darko who has an imaginary six foot tall bunny for a friend. As the movie progresses, we see Donnie becoming apparently more troubled, doing all sorts of naughty things that his imaginary friend Frank tells him to do. And then the ending happens, which totally changes the whole meaning of the movie, but I won’t give that away. This movie has a fair amount of swearing, but is otherwise relatively calm. This movie makes you think, and for that it gets a 5Ï€ rating (out of 900º). See if you can figure out what the hell is going on in only one viewing (I couldn’t).

Boondock Saints is a very violent movie. Very violent is actually putting it lightly. We’re talking blood, fingers blown off, toilets dropped on people from the top of a ten story building… the whole nine yards. Boondock Saints is about two brothers who believe they are on a mission from god to kill the bad guys. All of them – the mob, the pimps, the drug dealers, everybody. And they’re good at it. The whole movie is awesome, but I especially love how it transitions between scenes of the detective looking over the crime scene and the actual things that took place. This movie is not for the faint of heart, it includes large amounts of violence, swearing, and a hint or two of nudity… but it’s so cool. 5Ï€.

Equilibrium is also violent. Though it is not as bloody as Boondock Saints, more people die in Equilibrium. The story is somewhat akin to 1984. The world has been devastated by the third world war, and in response has taken action to prevent a fourth by destroying man’s ability to feel emotion. Everyone takes an emotion inhibiting drug, and there’s an iron-fisted force to ensure that “sense-offenders” are caught and given their just reward. The Grammaton Cleric is the main strength behind this force, a person trained with near supernatural fighting ability. We start the movie by watching one take out a room of men with machine guns using only pistols. An awesome movie with a pretty good story line, it’s a shame it got buried by the Matrix in theaters. 4.5Ï€.

There are so many great movies in the world, but these three are definitely worth putting on your list.